How many moms practice self-care?
Often, to be vague and general, a mom may become solely focused on the love of her children and family. She often puts herself behind those needs of others she loves. She drives the vision and wants of her cherished ones forward with swiftness and glee, putting all energy into creating the life she believes they will be happy with. And this, for the most part, brings her joy.
However, what makes her, her? Not just mom or wife, but makes her truly herself.
Surely, she is her own personality, besides just a mom or wife. She has things that make her unique, and with a bit of self-care, that can shine through. Self-care and self-love to me are synonymous.
My Own Rediscovery
In 2018, I was adamant to journal my goals and follow them through. When I went to write them down, I decided to write from the heart vs. the mind. This meant I was going to focus on what the very core of my self was saying to me.
You see, I love being a mom. Let me emphasize that further, I fricking LOVE being a mom. I love being there for my kids in every way and watching them grow and form into the mini personalities they are today. I also love the mom struggles; sharing with other moms the journey of being that parent who has dealt with tantrums, meltdowns at the grocery store, potty accidents, sleep issues, and the whole nine. As crazy as that sounds, being a mom is not always glamorous, but it’s real, it’s a journey and I love it all. Even on the hard days, I can honestly say I was ready to be a mom and would not trade any of that.
I realized I cannot only be mom, but I must also be Christina, I must be me. My kids deserve me to have my own personality and not have that get lost or tucked away. They need to see me do the things I love and take care of myself, independent of them. I must do some self-care here.
So realizing this, I wrote out my goals to rediscover myself.
What did I realize?
I realized that:
- I wanted to write again, not just in blog form but really write.
- the party girl that existed for so long was gone and I had no interest in that life, and that was ok to feel like that.
- I did want to have me-time once in a while and ensure I still looked good on the outside (meaning I wanted to focus on my health just as I did in the past).
- I wanted to honour my other relationships (with my siblings, my parents, my partner) as those all moulded me, and continue to do so, into the person that I am.
- it was time to let go of the overly pleasing self, which meant I had to let go of some relationships that no longer served me, where I felt I was giving and never receiving and that didn’t really feel good and often gave me anxiety.
- I wanted to work, but on my own terms…feeling happy doing what I do and being home more without being away from my kids at this pivotal age, but still wanted to do my part and not be dependent (not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just never been me).
I Realized and Then I Proceeded
After my realizations, I journaled each of those items and created a goal for each. The majority of it, meant being very true and in-touch with my feelings.
As I did this, I noticed that writing it out served one major purpose. To admit things.
Admission forced me to proceed. The writing was my own way of actioning what I already knew was within me. I have changed, I have evolved rather, into a woman who has grown and adopted new interests. Over the past few years, I have honoured a couple of new relationships that better fit into who I am now, and that is perfectly ok. I also ignited a passion that didn’t exist before, and I am no longer aiming to climb a corporate ladder, rather I want to work because it brings me joy to do what I want to do vs. having to.
Aren’t I lucky? I feel blessed actually. I feel like I manifested my realizations into wants into haves.
So I proceeded to go through each of my realizations by just being me. I put away that journal and only recently reviewed it.
To my surprise, I truly have done exactly what I wanted to do. I put those goals in action, almost on auto-pilot. I have rediscovered myself, it took some time but I know who I am again.
To those moms that can relate, what an amazing feeling it is. This doesn’t mean things are always perfect, but they are 100% real. I feel authentic, and that is who I want my kids to see.
Self-care = Self-love = Self Rediscovery
The whole point? Where Am I Going With this?
Doing what you love, being your true self, is the most important act of self-care one can do. I truly feel that.
Every so often, we need to take the time to rediscover what makes us genuine beings and find joy in ourselves, aside from being mom, wife, sister, daughter, etc. Be authentic, be yourself and love that person to the core. If you don’t feel it, then I urge you to take the time to find it.
I see that my kids now see me writing away, or reading occasionally, or doing my makeup, and even exercising…all things I seemed to have tucked away. They know that their mom loves these things.
Rayna sat on the bed, one evening, as I did a whole workout in my rood and cheered, “Go Christina Go!” She knew that was Christina and not just mom…and well, that was a pretty fricking awesome feeling.
Caiden, just tonight, said to me “Mommy, Daddy goes to work and you work too but at home right?” He recognized that I’m working even though it looks different.
I love that my kids are discovering who I am, because I rediscovered who I am, and I love myself.
I hope they learn, just as I did to love thyself too.